I found a diamond this morning. It makes me not only feel enough but also feel wealthy.
Bad thing happened this morning, though it’s not a big one but because this particular thing happen again and again, I feel stuck. I feel worthless for having this problem repeatedly. I feel exhausted. In state of mind like this, I can’t think clearly. I blame circumstances and people outside myself. I pour my anger towards those I love. And worse, many bad experiences and bitter memories from the past suddenly come to my mind. I can’t help but cry.
In the midst of this negative feeling, I found this diamond. I realized that this one “bad particular thing” that happened to me is actually not the “real problem”. It just triggered me to look within myself deeper and see what’s actually happen there. Then I see some of people that now is in my current life, those who’s been in my past, and those who’s not in my real life but always makes me feel bad about myself. I see those people and feel that I still hold some anger, resentment, disappointment, envy and many negative feelings toward them.
I then realized that I should use this diamond that is to forgive. Forgive those who’s been hurting me -though maybe they didn’t intend to do that to me. But the most important thing is that I should forgive myself for feeling that way. Because sometimes I feel guilty for having resentment towards others and I don’t want to deal with that negative feeling. I’ve been setting a quite high standard for myself to be “kind enough”, but I realized that kind doesn’t equal with no bad feelings at all. Kind means kind. Kind towards others and kind towards yourself.
Maybe it’s okay to have negative feelings towards others, regardless of what is their true intention. It’s okay. Just don’t being dragged by that. Don’t being dragged by that. You can use your diamond that is to forgive. And if you still feeling bad, that’s okay. You can use your diamond that is to forgive. Inhale.. exhale.. until you feel at ease.