I fall asleep last night while listening to this School of Greatness podcast starring Joshua Fields Millburn. I remember watching until 40 something minutes before unconsciously closing my eyes to sleep. My sister put my netbook and my headset to the table, so when I woke up I don’t even remember how I sleep (please, don’t do this often).

This morning I make time to listen to the rest of the show. At the near of the end of the podcast, Lewis Howes asked Joshua this question : “What do you most grateful in your life recently?” which Joshua response with this kind of answer “My partner, Beca. She’s amazing.” I don’t know exactly what “amazing” really meant to him, but I’m sure that Joshua is really lucky to have someone like that as a partner.

This blows my mind so much. To be honest, I really want to BE that kind of partner. Whether an amazing partner, supportive partner, great partner, loving and caring partner -whatever positive traits that makes my partner feel that way. Looking to myself, I know that I’m still far from what I want to be but I will never giving up on myself.

Over the years and over several failed (completed) romantic relationships, I learn that it takes so much effort to build a fulfilled and satisfying relationship. I used to think (and maybe still feel that way sometimes) that I will never feel lonely anymore once I had a partner, or I will have someone who will always be here at my side telling me I’m beautiful, I’m lovable, etc. I often imagine that I will have someone who brings me tons of happiness, then protect me and care for me 24/7, 365 days a year or I will feel loved and I won’t have to feel insecure about myself anymore -because I’m now had a partner. But, sorry to say.. that’s not the case.

I really agree that romantic relationship, a healthy one, give a huge portion to our happiness. Of course it does! But, we have to know that relationship is not a “place” you go only to get, but a “place” you give as well. And what I learn most is you cannot give your best if you’re not having a good relationship with yourself.  When you have a fear or doubt over yourself, it usually affects your relationship.

So even I don’t feel like I’m that “kind” of partner both for myself or for my partner yet, I won’t ever give up. I hope that I can evolve and work to be a better person every time. God, please give me an open mind.

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